At Twenty

there was a long time
i didn't wear a seat belt,
left lights on to make empty homes look lively,
looking just one of the ways,
but now i am carefully
counting calories, cookies, cigarettes and calcium,
watching wrinkles creeping through worries,
sunblock (but only fifteen!),
and completely skipping that whole love thing. (For good?)

i wonder when i became
too afraid to die again